By Thursday night this week we had taught one lesson to a non-member and had zero new investigators. Every night, and many times as we were walking during the day, I was praying and searching and pondering for what it is I'm not doing, or what I am doing that is impeding the progress of our work.
And to be completely honest, I'm still not sure if I've found the answer. I've done a lot of reading about purification, faith to find investigators, and prayer. My greatest desire in these last few weeks I have left is to accomplish the will of the Lord. I have been so incredibly blessed in my mission with spiritual experiences, wonderful friends, opportunities to learn and to grow and now I just want to do whatever the Lord needs of me to bless others.
But here rises my greatest question. I've done a lot of searching about faith and prayer. In 3 Nephi 18:20 we learn that the Lord will always grant our righteous desires.
"And whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you."
But I know to pray in the name of Christ means I must be asking what he would ask. I know that the Lord wants me to find his children and help them come unto him through baptism but what if that is not his desire right now at this time for us in this area? I know that Christ, the apostles, many of the prophets in the Book of Mormon had to preach and teach to many who didn´t listen and they didn´t always have the success they wanted. How do I know when the Lord just wants me to keep being patient, diligent, keep knocking on doors and talking to people in the street (because I have been blessed to be able to bear my testimony to everyone I see) or when there is something distinct that I need to change to find los escogidos (the elect)?
I've talked to my district leader, and thought about calling President Robertson multiple times, but I'm also practicing trying to receive personal revelation. Yesterday I came to a point where I really just wasn't sure what to do. I couldn't even feel the spirit I was so distraught about wanting so badly to help my companion and those people who are waiting for us. But, I found that the atonement really works for everything. Through Him I was able to find the strength to keep going.
I don't know if I will receive an epiphany from the Lord or if His answer will just be to keep going, keep trying and keep searching. So that is my plan. We sat down and made more goals today. I pray every day for the Lord to help me overcome my weaknesses and focus more on His work and then I just keep going. Maybe we will begin to see great miracles, and maybe we will just have to be grateful for the little ones each day.
I am so grateful for the way the Lord strengthens us through every moment. I know He is our Savior. Without Him we are nothing but with Him all things are possible. I LOVE serving Him, whether that means teaching lessons or walking in the rain all day. I am eternaly indebted to him and am happy to do what he asks. I know this is His church and can't wait to share this message with everyone I meet.
The church is true!
Sincerely, your favorite wet hermana, Jen Millet
PS. Can I also just brag for a minute about my companion? Hermana Urbanawiz has been such a support and ray of light and animo. I wasn't sure how we would get along at the beginning of this transfer but I love her with all my heart and am so grateful for the opportunity to work with her. She is, and will continue to grow into, an amazing missionary.